May 4, 2003

Cunnilingus Man Fan Mail
By Mike Selby

Cast
Cunnilingus Man: Mike Selby
Mike Selby: himself

Cunnilingus Man: Hello everyone I'm Cunnilingus Man. Every now and then it's nice to take a break from battling super villains and satisfying women to read some fan mail. (letters rustling) Ah, here's one. Girl With Huge Titties writes: "Dear Cunnilingus Man, You're the greatest superhero ever." Well thank you, Huge Titties, that's very sweet of you. (continues reading) "I just love your tag line, 'Up, up and away lickity split.' But wouldn't it make more sense if it was 'Up, up and away lickity clit?'" Hmm... that's a good point, Huge Titties. To properly answer that question I think we should go straight to the creator of the Cunnilingus Man series, Mike Selby.

(knock knock)

Cunnilingus Man: Open up in there!

(door opens)

Cunnilingus Man: You call yourself a writer! You've seriously been slacking off! This "lickity clit" thing is way better than anything you come up with!

Mike: Shut up, you voice inside my head!

Cunnilingus Man: Now that's no way to talk to-

Mike: You're not real! The doctor said you were supposed to go away once I started taking the medicine!

Cunnilingus Man: Don't change the subject here! I'm-

Mike: I'm not listening to you! (starts yelling randomly to block Cunnilingus Man out) Lalalalalalalala!! You're not real! Lalalalalalalala!! You're just a figment of my imagination! Lalalalalalalalala!! (fades into background)

Cunnilingus Man: Well, I hope that answers your question, Huge Titties. It looks like that's all the time we have for now. Be sure to tune in next week when we'll be presenting more Cunnilingus Man fan mail.

Mike: (still in background) No we won't, cause you're not real! Lalalalala... (fades out)

This bit was inspired by a debate among the Filetopia Live DJs over a line in the Cunnilingus Man vs. Goddesszilla script. The debate was over whether the line was, "Up, up and away lickity split," or "Up, up and away lickity clit."

I rather like how this bit blurs the line between fantasy and reality. People who listen to our material often tell us that we are a group of sick, twisted individuals. (Actually, I often got these sort of comments long before I started ADT.) Here's just another bit to reinforce that idea.