January 26, 2001

Script and notes for Date Rejects Part 1
Written by Mike Selby

featured on Equal Opportunity Offenders

Cast
Automated voice: Matthew A. Woodruff
Malkore: Mike Selby
Bonkers: Matthew A. Woodruff
Redneck: Matthew A. Woodruff
Zod: Mike Selby

(dial tone... dialing number... ringing... automated voice answers)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome to the Tella-Match phone dating service. Please enter your access code.

(presses numbers)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Access code -accepted-. You have -4- new messages. To liste-

(presses number)

MALKORE: Hello young female. I am known as... Malkore. I like long romantic walks down the beach, giant killer robots, and weapons of mass destruction! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

(interrupts in mid-laugh... presses number)

BONKERS: Yeah... umm... I'm looking for a nice, caring, supportive woman... not like my last girlfriend. She used to call me a clown. You hear that... a clown?! Where does she get off calling me a clown... just cause I have blue hair and a name like "Bonkers." God, what a bitch! I just wish she'd die DIE DIE DIIIII-

(presses number)

REDNECK: Yeah I'm lookin' for an intelligent, sophisticated, per'ty lady to go out cow tipping with me.

(presses number)

ZOD: You will go out on a date with me. Zod commands it.

(presses end numbers)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Goodbye.

(click... hang up)

The script for this bit was written at about the same time as Date Rejects Part 2. Basically, they're both just slightly different takes on the same idea.

At this point in ADT, pretty much all of the voice acting was being done by me and Matt. As such, we didn't have anyone to do any female parts for us. For Psychomas (which was recorded just prior to this bit), Matt managed to get one of his co-workers to record the lines for the sexy elf. However, she proved to be unavailable for later bits. This script was a unique approach to the problem. By placing the bit in the first person perspective of a female character, I could avoid having to find someone to voice that character.