March 17, 2001

Script for Malkore's Science Corner #1
Written by Mike Selby

featured on Equal Opportunity Offenders

Cast
Malkore: Mike Selby
Timmy: Mike Selby
Puppy: Mike Selby
Renfeld: Matthew A. Woodruff

Malkore: Hello boys and girls. Welcome to Malkore's Science Corner. On this week's episode we shall be bringing little Timmy's puppy back from the grave.

Timmy: Ummm... Mr. Malkore?

Malkore: Yes, young one?

Timmy: My puppy isn't dead yet.

Malkore: Hmmm... I did not foresee this setback. Where's my assistant? Where's Renfeld? Renfeld! Renfeld!

Renfeld: Yes, master?

Malkore: See to this child's puppy.

Renfeld: Yes, master.

(snaps puppy's neck; Timmy begins sobbing)

Timmy: You killed him!

Malkore: Well done, Renfeld. Now place him into the reanimation chamber.

Timmy: Why did you have to kill him?! He was my best friend!

Malkore: Do not grieve, dear child, for we all must make our sacrifices in the name of science. Perhaps it is time for me to introduce you to my specially designed reincarnation machine. Isn't it wondrous? Never before has the reanimation of dead tissue been witnessed on a children's TV program!

(ding)

Malkore: Renfeld, open the chamber door so that this child may see the true genius of my work.

(a steam hiss as door opens)

Timmy: Why you- you- turned him into a baked potato?

Malkore: Yes, isn't it marvel- What! Renfeld! You insolent fool! You've put it on the wrong setting again!

Renfeld: I'm sorry, master; I was hungry.

Malkore: Put him back into the machine and put it on the RIGHT setting this time.

Renfeld: But master, I'm sure he'd go great with some sour cream and some chives.

Malkore: Renfeld!

Renfeld: I will obey, master.

(puts baked potato back into machine and turns it on again.)

Malkore: Come here, young one, allow me to show you just exactly how this ingenious machine of mine works. This switch powers up the machine, this one starts the re-animation process, and this one activates my sub-orbital death ray.

Timmy: What does that have to do with bringing my puppy back from the dead?

Malkore: Oh, nothing really... it's just an extra little feature I had built in.

(ding)

Renfeld: Reanimation complete, master.

(opens door)

Sparky: Ruff!

Timmy: Sparky?

(Timmy moves to pet Sparky. Sparky leaps on Timmy and begins tearing at his flesh in a rabid frenzy)

Timmy: Ahhhhhh! My arm! No Sparky! No! Ahhhhh!

(further screams from Timmy)

Malkore: Oh, yes. I forgot to tell you. After the process he will have a slight appetite for human flesh. It must of slipped my mind. Well, that's all the time we have for this week's show. Join us next time when we will be demonstrating my new mind ripper on an unwitting volunteer. Bye for now.