Dear Psycho

September 3, 2001

Dear Psycho,

Yeah, I just caught my wife cheating on me with my best friend. Tell me, what caliber of gun should I use to blow their brains out?
-justin sane

Dear Justin,

From one intensely jealous guy to another, I totally empathasize with you. Just when you think that your complex concerning your miniscule penis couldn't get any worse, your wife and your alleged friend prove you wrong... well, not about the small dick, mind you, but rather the severity of your complex. I am glad to read that you're the type of guy who doesn't take shit from anyone, especially inconsiderate a**holes like them... I am totally willing to help you answer the age-old question... "Hey Joe, where're goin' with that gun in your hand?"

If you are the melodramatic type, who likes to overcompensate for lack of "testicular fortitdude"...most macho jerk-offs fit this category...I would recommend the .44 magnum popularized in the "Dirty Harry" series. If Clint Eastwood's character is correct, their heads should be blown "clean off"...unlike the "head" of a drunk fratboy at a whore house. If you are the type who worries about over-rated stuff like consequences and punishment, I would recommend a small pistol with a silencer. However, you would need extra stuff like a shovel, rubber gloves, a plot of land in Montana, and a one-way plane ticket to either Geneva or Zurich. Any country without an extradition agreement with the U.S. would do. Hopefully, you know what to do with the above items...and best of luck taking the bitch...and your friend...out. Once you get to Switzerland, hook up with Ray from the last column and give him a hug.

Insincerely,

Rev. Psycho Matthias

Send your questions to adtheater@yahoo.com...or leave them on the Attention Deficit Theater Message Board...and Psycho will respond to them in this column...whenever he gets motivated to do so. Who needs teachers, therapists, and religious quacks...when you can come to the Reverend!