Script and notes for The Scared Shitless Project
Written by Mike Selby

featured on Equal Opportunity Offenders

Cast
Announcer: Mike Selby
Psycho Matthias: Matthew A. Woodruff

In 1998, young honky filmmakers Syphillis and Psycho Matthias went into the streets of East St. Louis to shoot a documentary on inner city violence.

They were never seen again.

One year later their footage was found.

Psycho: Hey! This shit ain't funny, man! Get us the fuck out of here! I mean it!

The Scared Shitless Project -- coming soon to a theater near you.

Of course, this bit is a parody of The Blair Witch Project. I tip my hat to the geniuses behind that movie. I admire the ingenuity of someone who can make so much money from such a crappy film. (I do not like having to take Dramamine before watching a film.)

One time, when I was explaining the script to someone at UE, I got a response that I will never forget. "That's not funny!" she exclaimed. "I used to work in East St. Louis. That place is REALLY dangerous." I guess some bits just ring a little too true.

Here are some lines that didn't make it into the final script. (mainly because I couldn't find a good place to stick 'em)

"See the film that critics say is so damn scary it makes being chased by a 300 year old witch look like a playful romp through the woods."

"You'll soil yourself in the first 10 minutes."